Understanding and Responding to Gaslighting in Families Affected by Addiction

By: Beth Durling MS, CADCII, ICADC

Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation where one person makes another doubt their perception of reality, often used to maintain control. This tactic is particularly damaging in families dealing with addiction, as it creates confusion and prevents addressing core issues like substance use. Dr. Robin Stern, author of The Gaslight Effect, explains that gaslighting distorts reality, leading to self-doubt and emotional confusion.

What is Gaslighting?

Gaslighting happens when someone denies facts, minimizes emotions, or shifts blame, causing the victim to question themselves. Common signs include:

• Denying Events: "I never said that."

• Minimizing Emotions: "You’re overreacting."

• Shifting Blame: "You made me do this."

• Contradicting Memories: "That’s not how it happened."

Psychologist Dr. Ramani Durvasula notes that repeatedly denying events makes victims doubt their memory, while therapist Pia Mellody highlights that minimizing emotions creates an imbalance of power. Shifting blame, as Dr. Patricia Evans explains, distorts reality and prevents healthy confrontation.