Detaching with love is a term used in recovery that is a core component of both Al-Anon and Codependency recovery programs. It can be a challenging concept to grasp for family and loved ones dealing with alcoholism or addiction if your emotions revolve around whether they are doing well or not. To detach with love is to let go of your loved one's problem. By letting go of the enabling and codependent behaviors we reap the benefits of personal growth, inner peace, and better relationships. Detaching with love means caring so much about them that they can learn from their mistakes.
At The Family Recovery Foundation we want you to have the best recovery possible, with the most support and education. Learning about detaching with love means being responsible for your well-being and making decisions without ulterior motives, the need to fix, or the desire to control others. By detaching with love you can take control of your feelings and thoughts. This will not take away your feelings and concerns for your loved one but will channel them more healthily.
When you let go of your expectations and entanglements with another person's problems and affairs you will stop reacting or overreacting to things they say and do. When you focus on what you can control, you will begin to see positive results, and hope will be restored. There are so many benefits to the practice of detaching with love, including having appropriate boundaries; being in the present moment; accepting the reality of what is; taking responsibility for your feelings and needs; learning to love in a new way; gaining peace, freedom, and empowerment.
At The Family Recovery Foundation we know that if you often feel worried or anxious about a loved one, and disappointed or upset by their choices, then detaching with love can help you and it's time to take action. Here are some of our tips on how to detach with love:
- Don't give unsolicited advice
- Set boundaries
- Allow someone to experience the consequences of their actions
- Recognizing your feelings and needs as valid
- Stay in your lane
- Pause or walk away from hurtful arguments
- Not accepting responsibility for fixing or solving other people's problems
- Don't make excuses for someone else's behavior
- Staying focused on what you can control and not on worrying/thinking about what others are doing
- Don't anticipate the worst possible outcome
- Don't enable or do things others can do for themselves
Get support. It's not a walk in the park to detach from a loved one with an addiction, so you don't have to try it alone. The Family Recovery Foundation services are here for you to guide you to the best peer or professional support. By sharing your experience and getting guidance and support from others who have been there, you will find strength and hope.
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Helpful Links & Additional Resources
Detachment with Love Gains New Meaning | Hazelden Betty Ford
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