Communicating Boundaries: A New Approach
By: Beth Durling MS, CADCII, ICADC
Traditional boundary-setting often feels like a battle—an ultimatum, a push, a demand for change backed by consequences. In the world of addiction, relationships, and family dynamics, we’ve all seen how ineffective this approach can be. The harder we push, the harder the other person resists.
But what if there is a different way, a spiritual way?
This is why I love blending spirituality with psychotherapy—because when we remove the struggle, the push-pull, the exhausting cycle of “change or else,” we invite in something far more powerful: alignment.
What If Boundaries Weren’t About Ultimatums, But About Manifestation?
Imagine if, instead of saying:
“You don’t see me. You don’t honor me. You keep hurting me. You keep hurting the family.”
We spoke in a way that manifested what we desired—declaring the vision of what’s to come as if it’s already here.
The Bible tells us:
“Ask, and it has already been given.”
Not “ask, and maybe you’ll get it if you fight hard enough.” Not “ask, and then threaten consequences.”
It’s already yours.
So what if we communicated our boundaries with that same faith?
A Spiritual Shift in Communication
Instead of confronting someone with ultimatums, imagine taking their hand and saying:
“Hey, can I talk to you?”
The way they respond already tells you something. Are they open? Are they willing? If not, that’s your first insight. But if they say yes, you move forward—not from a place of frustration, but from a place of vision.
And then, instead of the usual boundary-setting conversation, you begin to manifest:
“I’m really excited about what’s coming this year because I’m looking forward to feeling settled.”
“I’m looking forward to being in a relationship where there’s tremendous consistency.”
“I’m looking forward to the sobriety that’s coming.”
“I’m looking forward to living in a home filled with peace.”
“I’m looking forward to waking up each day with joy instead of pain.”
“I’m looking forward to love being reciprocated—where my love isn’t poured out into emptiness, but returned with the same depth and care.”
“I’m looking forward to the healing of our hearts, the strengthening of our family, the warmth and safety of mutual respect.”
“I’m looking forward to our finances growing, our well-being deepening, our days being filled with clarity.”
And then, you affirm the biggest truth of all:
“And I’m also looking forward to the fact that I know your heart. I know your intention. And I know you want these things, too.”
“I’m excited that we are on the same page and moving toward the same values.”
This changes everything.
Why This Works
This approach removes the walls. It doesn’t demand change from a place of conflict. Instead, it creates space for alignment.
Because at the end of the day, people want to rise into something good. They don’t want to be pushed into it. They want to be called into it.
And here’s the most powerful part:
“I’m also looking forward to knowing that if, for any reason, this isn’t where we’re heading together, I have the peace of knowing that I have options to find all of these things on my own.”
That’s not a threat. It’s a truth.
This isn’t about forcing someone into change. It’s about claiming the life you are choosing to live—whether or not they meet you there.
Living the Manifestation
You can’t control someone else’s choices. But you can speak the vision of your life into existence and step fully into it.
When you do, two things will happen:
1. The people meant to be on this path with you will rise to meet it.
2. Those who aren’t ready for this kind of alignment will naturally fall away.
Either way, you walk forward in clarity, peace, and faith.
So instead of pushing, instead of ultimatums, instead of demands—try this.
Manifest. Declare. Align.
And watch what happens when you start living the life you were always meant to live.
