How To Respond To Struggling Loved Ones
At The Family Recovery Foundation we understand that even though not all situations are the same, when it comes to talking with struggling loved ones some communication strategies are much more helpful to show support and compassion.
When talking with a struggling loved one it’s important to remember that your words are very powerful. Addiction and mental health issues are still clouded by stigma in our society and people who are suffering often expect others to insult, criticize, belittle, or reject them. This communication can be hard if there is a long history of you ignoring, enabling, or supporting their addictive or destructive behavior. But taking that step to better communication and letting them know the ways that they are hurting you will not only help you recover, it may also motivate them to get help.
A great way to start your journey to healing is by educating yourself about your loved one's issues. Next, you can start to become aware of the language you use, and practice setting healthy boundaries. It's very possible to support and love them while also supporting your well-being. It is very much possible to accept a person and love them without accepting their behavior.
As a general rule of thumb, we have observed that using "I feel" statements to communicate with struggling loved ones works well to avoid placing all the blame on them and for taking responsibility for your part in the relationship. In addition, avoiding name-calling, speaking with kindness and understanding can show that you want t build a better bridge to recovery and healing.
Here are some other general guidelines for better communication with struggling loved ones:
Listen more
It is a skill that takes practice to listen well without interrupting or criticizing, especially when you don't agree. Withholding judgment and being present when a person is confiding in you builds trust.
Not Everything Is About Addiction
A loved one's struggles don't have to be the main focus of every conversation. You can still speak with them about plans, likes, opinions, and desires the same way you would if they didn't have issues. This will also help them to see that you are not checking up on them or making assumptions.
Try Setting Boundaries
Consistent boundaries are a great way to communicate through your actions in addition to your words. They also help avoid misunderstandings, and to show expectations.
Avoid Telling Them What To Do
Nobody likes the " You Should" tone or the feeling of being controlled, especially not a loved one who is struggling with addiction. What may work more effectively is asking them how you can help instead of dictating what they should do. Even though you want to help your loved one with their struggles in any way possible, you can't control exactly how and if they are going to do it.
If you or a loved one is struggling with substance use or addiction, contact the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) National Helpline at 1-800-662-4357 for information on support and treatment facilities in your area.
