Enabling
Enabling is a family dynamic that may arise from a need to keep the peace as the devastating patterns of abuse play out. Enabling is a very common relationship dynamic and one that has the potential to support and promote unhealthy behaviors and patterns in others. Making excuses, ignoring, or minimizing gives room for more toxic behavior, which may inadvertently be reinforcing the problem.
A person who is an "enabler" may be doing so unintentionally as they become so enmeshed in a loved one's problem that they lose their own identity. When you engage in enabling behaviors, you may find that the majority of your time and energy is focused on the other person. This will likely make you feel like your own needs have fallen by the wayside. Putting someone else's needs before yours- especially if the other person isn't actively contributing to the relationship is a sign of enabling behavior.
At The Family Recovery Foundation we encourage empowerment and healing through awareness and education. Understanding how enabling affects you and your loved one and learning how to identify the signs can help prevent enabling behaviors in your relationships. You may be enabling if you are justifying and indirectly supporting someone else's harmful behavior. Examples of such harmful behaviors are alcohol and/or substance abuse, gambling, unlawful actions, psychological or emotional abuse, and self-harm. Some of the most common signs and behavior of an enabler are:
Making excuses
Using with them or engaging in the same activity.
Hiding the problem
Consistently lending money for habits, mistakes or providing financial support
Ignoring your own needs
Avoiding conflict & Boundaries
Experiencing resentment
So, how can you stop enabling? Take time to learn more about the family disease of addiction and about managing your behavior at an Al-Anon Meeting. It will also be helping to reach out to mental health professionals to learn about the root cause and for new coping skills. In addition to therapy and Al-Anon meetings, you might also find these tips useful:
Acknowledge there's a problem.
Look into signs of codependency.
Set some boundaries and stick to them.
Say "No.” Period.
Practice self-care and engage in empowering behaviors.
Stop making excuses for their behavior.
Plan an intervention.
Ask for help, and get support.
At The Family Recovery Foundation we want to help you feel more fully supported as you stop enabling. None of us can control what another person does, but we do have the power to set our boundaries and respect our own lives.
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How to Stop Enabling an Alcoholic or Addict | Very Well Mind
The Five Most Common Trademarks of Codependent and Enabling Relationships | Hazelden Betty Ford
